


They will come for you

by chiapslock



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Pacific Rim!AU, Vaxleth and Vaxilmore mentioned, really don't expect anything else, this is just a big Vex introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-23
Updated: 2017-01-23
Packaged: 2018-09-19 11:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9437447
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chiapslock/pseuds/chiapslock
Summary: Vex and Vax were twelve when the Dragons attacked, and since then they've trained to pilot a Jaeger togheter. They're angry and scared, but they have each other.Then they have more and Vex doesn't know if it's a good thing in a world that keeps demanding lives.(This is the Pacific Rim!AU no one asked or deserved, but still)





	

**Author's Note:**

> So you know, I just wanted to write about Vex? This is really all there is to it.
> 
> Just a heads up, I have no beta and english ins't my first language. I hope I haven't made terrible errors, but uhm tell me and I will fix anything that needs fixing.

The thing they keep hearing over and over again is “don't follow the rabbit” like they are fucking falling through a glass and not fucking merging their heads, but still Vex has read everything there is to read about this shit so she listens to them because losing oneself in another mind seems like a walking nightmare.

But when she merges with Vax it isn't like entering another brain, it's more like coming home and finding her stupid brother asleep on her bed. Weird, but warm.

 _After_ , they tell them that it was incredible, that never two minds had merged so completely, not even other twins.

In the moment however Vex finally discovers that Vax broke the damn lamp fifteen years ago, and Vax scowls as he looks at Vex and her first time. They look together as two twins cry, overwhelmed by pain and guilt, looking at the news.

“We are such codependent fucks” is what Vax thinks and tells her, but she can feel the warmth, the adoration, the love.

She doesn't think that she could have done this with anyone else, open herself up so completely to someone who wasn't already a fundamental part of her.

When it's over there is really no question, they give them the Raven Queen and look darn proud doing it.

 

\--

 

Their station isn't one of the biggest, so really it comes as a shock to Vex how many people they have managed to never talk to in the two years they've been training there.

There is Keyleth, who -  she says - isn't very good with robots but has managed to create a perfectly functional garden inside the station, supplying them with fresh fruit and vegetable and isn't that a miracle all in itself? She's sweet and kind and awkward, but Vex can see the pain behind the surface, the encompassing guilt, and she wonders who Keyleth has lost but she knows better than to ask.

There is Scanlan, who in the beginning Vex thinks is just here to entertain the pilots, with his ridiculous songs and grandiose tales, but then she learns of Tiberius, his previous copilot, and Kaylee, his daughter. She drinks with him at night, wondering how someone can be so cheerful even among all this, and she admires him deeply for it.

There is Pike, the medic with the scars that Vex isn't sure she should ask about. It's Vax that tells her of Serenrae, of her and Grog being one of the first pilots and how Pike had almost lost her life, leaving Grog piloting alone.

He had saved her and the Jaeger, but Pike had lost the ability to drift and now Grog fights alone still, refusing to take anyone else with him.

(“I worry so much about him, Vex” Pike reveals her much much later, when they are more like family than strangers “he's strong but you know what happens to people that fight alone. He's so stubborn” and she will worry too for the gigantic man that is always so protective of them).

Then… then there's Percy. She's not surprised that they haven't met him before since he spends 90% of his time in his workshop, working and tinkering. He was one of the mechanics that created the Jaegers but - as far as she knows - he has never used one himself.

“I can't fight,” he tells her “but I can make sure you can and that you come back when the fight is over. This I can do”

Percy is a man that has suffered greatly, she doesn't need him to tell her to know. It's evident in the desperate and manic way in which he works, in the haunted eyes that follow every single pilot couple when they enter the Jaeger. There's so much that Percy doesn't say that Vex almost chokes with it.

Such a sorrowful soul.

They all become friend, forced by the cohabitation and the fact that really it's the end of the world, who fucking cares, but then it becomes more and they became family.

Vex is not sure she's happy about this. Too many people to lose in a world that keeps demanding lives.

 

\--

 

They aren’t really prepared the first time the siren blasts and they are sent into battle. Grog, with Goliath, follows behind them, but it’s too much. They have trained for this, it’s true, but it’s too much and too little.

The dragons (or Kaiju, in technical terms, but Vex had never been one for fancy words) come from the skies and there is no way to stop them without fighting. They have tried building protection bubbles over cities, but Vex knows very well that they don’t work (“Don’t think about mom”, Vax tells to her, while they are connected, and Vex can hear his sadness, his rage) so they fight.

“Concentrate you two, your connection is fluctuating” Allura tells them, from her station, directing them where they need to go. They look at each other for a moment, trying to regain their footing and they realize, with certainty, that they are scared. For each other, for everyone else.

They can work with scared, they have been scared for years now.

“Are you two alright?” Grog asks (and Vex doesn’t want to think about him alone against this sick monster) and they took a step ahead and punch the damn _dragon_  in his fucking face.

“Fuck no” Vax says, smiling, and Vex has never loved him as fiercely than in this moment.

They win, and that night they start sleeping in the same bed, even if they have different rooms.

 

-

 

The day the dragons attacked they were home with their father, one of the many vacations they didn’t want to take with a man that meant so little to them and a woman and a baby that were kind strangers, but still _not_ their mother.

This is the only reason why they are still alive.

They watch in the news as their mother’s city gets destroyed by a monster that no one was ready to stop. Vax doesn’t cry, but Vex can’t stop the tears, even if she tries _so_ very hard.

Syldor tells them that he’s sorry, but they should be grateful they’re alive, and Vex - twelve and in pain - punches him in the stomach.

It’s really not a surprise when they join the Jaeger program as soon as they can.

 

-

 

Vex finds Trinket outside one day, during their training years before reaching the station, while walking in the city near the base, trying to find some kind of peace that escapes her entirely too many times these days.

There have been so many places built for orphans from the attacks, but the pets are an entirely different story, and she gets it (they are facing an apocalypse, they have to fight to save the human race, they can’t think about dogs too) but that doesn’t mean she likes it.

She hears his cries when she walks by an alley and she knows even before she sees him that she won’t be able to just walk away, something in his animalistic cries of help resonate inside her, like a comforting song.

He’s small and sick and his mother is dead beside him and really, what other choice does she have?

Vax complains when she returns, but he stays awake every night with her, he gives him medicine and, when he think she can’t hear him, he sings Trinket the same song their mother sung to them when they were little.

Trinket heals and grows and soon he’s bigger than a normal dog should be, they don’t know what breed he is, probably some kind of pit bull mix, but they often joke that he is some kind of bear cub.

(Vex worries, sometime, about what will happen to Trinket if - when - she and Vax won’t come back from a fight, who will take care of him? She had saved him, but now her choice seems cruel, she had let him live only to abandon him again)

 

-

 

Vex used to worry about Trinket and his fate when - if - she and Vax wouldn’t come home one day, but now she looks at her beautiful bear-cub following Keyleth around in her garden, ruining Scanlan’s favourite pillow, licking Pike, sleeping at Percy’s feet, and she feels less anxious.

“We will protect everyone”, Vax says and Vex looks at him.

She used to worry about him too, but she sees the way he looks at Gilmore, the owner of the black market where they buy their supplies; the way he talks with Keyleth, free and happy. She thinks that, now, he could survive her death, and it’s a relief, really. She has to hide this thought in the back of her mind, bury it as deep as she can and never let him read it.

Vax still thinks that they will go together, but she likes to think about him outliving this war, getting into a relationship with Gilmore or Keyleth or both, heck who’s she to judge. It’s one of her favourite and most secret fantasy. He would be so angry if he only knew.

“We will” she tells him, leaning into his shoulder.

 

-

 

She used to be a brighter person, she thinks, or maybe it’s just wishful thinking, because she would really love to convince herself that she hadn’t always been this cynic, or fragile.

She can see herself falling apart every day, and this is the reason why she acts _oh so strong_ in front of the others, in front of Vax (and she knows it’s probably useless, every connection they share is a door that her brother can use to read her like a book, but it’s the only thing she can do). She doesn’t tell Pike that she’s so scared for them all, that she doesn’t think she’s strong enough to win the fight against the Dragons, that she will leave her brother a shadow of a man, with her ghost in his head for all his life and this _kills_ her, even when Pike opens up about her fears.

Vex listens, consoles her, tells her that everything would be alright, hides.

She lies so well that, sometimes, she even believes her own bullshit.

 

-

 

Vax gets hurt on their tenth fight, when one of the dragons almost destroys their left arm. It’s Vax’s side, and she can hear him scream, but it feels like her own arm, even if it isn’t. She loses herself on the sensation, can’t move for a second, and then she realizes that she can’t hear Vax anymore.

Goliath lances forward, punches the dragon far away from them, but all Vex can do is look at Vax’s passed out form and scream (she didn’t really scream, they tell her later, it was all in her head, but anyone that has ever rode a Jaeger knows that _it’s all in the head_ ).

The truth is that she follows the damn rabbit in search of Vax, in every single part of her brain, in every single part of her soul, and she doesn’t stop until she feels him deep inside her.

“Vex” someone, Allura?, calls, but she’s too lost, too deep.  

“I’m here, sister” Vax says, inside her head and Vex doesn’t want to let go, can’t.

“Vex’halia” Percy says, and Vex opens her eyes. What is Percy doing in the control room? “Come back”

His voice is enough of a shock that Vex wakes up enough to see the damn dragon trying to rip off their other arm and reacts, more out of instinct than anything else, more because her brother is already hurt and she can’t let them hurt him more.

She stops him with her arm, kicks him away and uses the laser gun in their finger to shoot him as many times as she can.

It’s dead, then, and she’s panting so hard she doesn’t know if she’ll have the strength to guide them back to base.

“I’m here, Vex” she hears in her brain, and outside. And Vax is smiling at her, even if his eyes are a little unfocused “did you think you could get rid of me this easily, stubby?”

She has never consider the possibility of _him_ dying and her living, making another life without half of her soul.

This is probably the point when Vex starts to break.

 

-

 

They come back, Vax goes to get himself checked out, and Vex runs. She runs as far aways as she can from anything and everything.

Or, at least, she tries.

They live in a small base, with limited free rooms and outside there is only water for miles and miles (something about the water working as a natural cooling system for all the machinery that come into play when you try to build gigantic robots).

She can’t go to her room, it would be the first place where Vax would search for her, and she can’t see anyone, but especially Vax. So she goes to the only place that she can think of.

She goes to Percy’s workshop.

Percy is there, but when he sees her she stops him before he can say anything.

“I just… I have to hide for a while” she says and her voice is trembling slightly. Vex doesn’t want to think about what she looks like, sweat and blood from the fight still on her clothes and her skin, scared and unsure. She probably has a crazy look in her eyes, but it doesn’t matter right now.

If she had to chose someone to see her like this, it would be Percy, that keeps himself on the side of the group, lives like he’s sorry he’s there and doesn’t know how to forgive himself.

She had always thought they were more similar than one would think.

Percy doesn’t answer her, he looks at her for a while and then he nods, slowly, and he turns away, returning to his work. Vex is so fuckin grateful she could kiss him right now.

Vex hides in a corner that isn’t immediately visible from the door, just in case someone searches her here and she _thinks_. It’s one of the worst thing she can do because once she starts she just can’t stop.

She thinks about Vax not waking up, about her failing, always failing. She shouldn’t be the one to survive this, she’s just a scared little girl that only learnt to fake being strong for her brother.

Vax can’t leave her here alone, she isn’t strong enough to go on without him, and she understands how hypocritical it is, because she thought just a few days ago that Vax could live without her.

But Vax had never faked being strong, had always faced his feelings much more readily than Vex ever could.

She’s crying, she doesn’t know when she started, but she can’t stop.

“My family” Percy says then, and Vex almost doesn’t hear him in the beginning “built this institute. In the early days, when we didn’t really know much of the Dragons… when it wasn’t even sure that there would be more, you know?”

He doesn’t look at her, he doesn’t even glance in her direction. It’s a comfort she is grateful for.

“They just wanted to help. They worked with the home base, where the Jaeger were created, I… I worked there. I built the first Jaeger” he continues, and his voice is deep and calming “ _We_ wanted to make the world a better place. But some people wanted to make money out of it, privatize the Jaegers. Help only the _paying_ country. We founded most of the research, they couldn’t go against my parents’ decision. So they killed them”

He says it so naturally, like it doesn’t even matter, but Vex is a master bullshitter and she can see his pain. If you know where to look it’s plain as day.

“They were good people that just wanted to help everyone. I just wanted to build cool robots and I’m alive and they aren’t. Life is rarely fair. We just have to learn to live with it” he stops working then, and finally looks at her.

Vex doesn't really know what to make of his eyes, of the darkness, the sorrow and the exhaustion in them. It feels like a mirror.

“You’re strong, Percival” she says then, because he’s stronger than her, that’s for sure.

“And you think you aren’t?” he replies, but it’s a question that doesn’t require an answer. Her worth had always been on display for everyone to judge and find her lacking.

“You moved today, Darling,” he says, when he realizes Vex isn’t going to talk anymore “you moved and you fought even when your brother wasn’t responding.”

She shakes her head, tries to make him understand “Only because you woke me up. I was following him, losing myself, following the goddamn rabbit. That isn’t being strong”

“You didn’t give up on him. You never will, even if…” he stops, out of concern, but it’s a gentle cruelty that needs to be said “even if he dies you would keep him with you everyday. You wouldn’t try to forget him. That is true strenght. You want to know why I don’t pilot a Jaeger? Because everytime I try they are there, just waiting, and I can’t... ”

Vex looks at Percy, wonders for how many nights has he tried to forget his pain, to forget his family by throwing himself in his work. How lonely he must be.

She moves then, slowly, towards him, and cups his dirty face with her dirty hands. _“Life is rarely fair_ ”, ah?

“Tell me about them” she says, then “I will remember them too”

Percy shakes her head, refuses, but she doesn’t let him. “Are they dead?” she asks, then. And they both know she’s talking about the ones that killed his family.

“Yes” he says, without hesitation, without remorse.

“Good” it’s her only answer “now talk”

 

-

 

Vax hugs her and doesn’t let her go and he does it so that _she_ doesn’t have to, so caring her big brother.

The truth is she feels better and worse at the same time, she’s more focused, more centered, but she has much more on her shoulder now. She doesn’t regret making Percy talk, she doesn’t regret drifting with Vax, but she regrets not being strong enough to support them all.

“I love you, Vax” she says instead, and she wonders if it is enough. She knows now how crippling it would be to lose him, and it makes him so much more precious to her.

“Shut up” her brother tells her, but she can feel his tears like they are her own.

They had always been able to understand each other on an instinctual level, but it feels stronger now, after so many drift, after being inside his mind so many times.

After following him inside their shared subconscious and hang on to him, push him back on the surface.

She probably made their co-dependant problem a lor worse and she doesn’t give a fuck.

 

-

 

They treat her a little different for a while, like she’s something on the verge of falling, of cracking into thousand of pieces. They are perceptive when they want.

Scanlan sings to her songs of rebirth, of moving on; Grog shares with her some mead and it’s actually quite touching; Pike takes her hand one afternoon and just doesn’t let go.

The most surprising one is Keyleth.

It’s not like they aren’t close, because they are family in the end, and Keyleth is hard not to like, but at the same time it’ s difficult interacting with her and compartmentalize what are hers and what are Vax’s feelings, these days the distinction is blurry. So Vex doesn’t always know how to act around Keyleth and most days she just… avoids her.

Today Keyleth seeks her out and slaps her. It’s not a strong hit and it’s not made out of anger, but it leaves her confused.

“What the..?” she says then, looking at Keyleth like she’s crazy.

But Keyleth is almost crying, and Vex doesn’t know what to do, how to react, she had always been good at dealing with other people crises, but this times she just stands there, shocked.

“We love you both so much,” Keyleth says, after a moment, “and… and you have to come back, even if… at least one of you”

Vex doesn’t answer for a moment, because it’s such an enormous request, not only leaving her brother behind but actually wanting to come back in case of his death and she can’t make this promise. She realizes now that she can’t.

Her whole existence had been defined by Vax, by having her soul split in two bodies, and the thought of being incomplete her whole life it’s too much.

“This is asking too much” she says, even if she knows it’s not the right answer (Vax would have the right answer, something heroic like “don’t worry, both of us will always come home”).

Keyleth just nods “Of course it is,” she says, angry “but it’s what you deserve, a life after all this. It’s what _we_ deserve, the possibility of living it with _you_.”

Vex breaks, then, because it’s too much. She starts crying before she even realizes it, and Keyleth hugs her, pats her head, combs her hair.

Vax founds them two minutes later and he’s crying too, and Vex knows it’s because she did something to them, when he followed him in the last fight, but she can’t think now.

She can feel him so clearly, his love, his devotion, his poorly hidden fears.

What a cruel word they live in.

Vex can’t give Keyleth the answer she want, not now, not ever, but she can accept her fragility now, she can cry and it has to be enough.

It’s the most she can give.

 

-

 

Her and Percy is something inevitable, in the end, After that day in Percy’s workshop Vex goes to him much more frequently, sometimes they talk, sometime they think, sometimes it’s like they aren’t even in the same room.

It’s the most fulfilling relationship Vex has ever had.

Percy knows that Vex could never come back after every attack, that in the end he will never been as important as her brother, but he’s her second thought and it’s much more that she has ever given anyone else.

Vex knows that Percy is broken, that he hates himself, that sometimes he thinks of just _stopping_ and that, in the end, his darkness will never fade and that the most she can do is remember it for him, carrying it with her in battle and let it fuel her steps.

They could be drift compatible, in a world where Vax doesn’t exist, in a world where Vex was an only child and much _less_ for it. She’s glad they never have to find out, she’s glad she doesn’t have to know everything about him to love him, she’s glad he doesn’t have to know everything about her either.

They don’t have some kind of technical magical bullshit binding them together. It’s a choice that brought them here, and really choices are so rare in this world, that it makes it all more precious.

He strokes her head in the night, and Vex tries to make him forget for as long as she can.

Their word doesn’t leave much space for romances or talks about the future, so they take what they can get.

(Sometimes she thinks about what it would be like, if both _her and Vax_ survive this, and those are thoughts she had never let herself have. Hopes are dangerous in this word).

 

-

 

Percy discovers a pattern in the end, something that tells him that there will be a massive attack one month from now, four Dragons will be arriving at the same time and… and they aren’t ready, but it’s the only chance they got.

“They will be strong,” Percy says, “stronger than anything we have faced before, but I can predict where they will come from ad if they are so big and so many we could see where they come from” he looks at her, and for one second she can see hope in there.

Her sweet, sweet man.

“We have never been able to find the passage, but this time… we could shut it. We could stop all of this, Vex” he believes it too.

She looks at him and nods, because in the end Vex is a fighter, and she had always known that this was what she was signing up for.

An all-out attack, their last chance.

“I will build a bomb, something to detonate the opening from the inside, you guys just have to throw it in there” he’s excited, proud.

Vex kisses him, and tries not to make it sound like a goodbye.

 

-

 

They are on The Raven Queen, still in the station. Grog is boarding on Goliath, Kashaw and Zahra are already getting out with Darling and there are some more Jaegers, called from the other stations, there to help them.

The last fight.

“What do you say, stubby?” Vax says, but no, he’s not saying it, he’s just thinking it, but it has become harder and harder to distinguish it.

She looks at him, and she remembers the first time they drifted, how scared they were. And now?

They might not come back and, even if they do, their whole life will change completely. They don’t remember anymore what peace looks like, who they are without their fear and their rage.

They will just have to learn.

“Let’s kick them back where they belong” she says then, smiling just a little.


End file.
